Forgiving Others

If you, or I, or any other were asked to compile a list of the ugliest traits of character that a person could have and that we run across in people I am sure that things like hatred, anger, bitterness, malice, and an unwillingness to forgive would all rank up near the top of our list.

While I listed five traits, it is easy to see how they are all related in the person who is unwilling to forgive. There is a sort of revenge motive in the person who will not forgive. The idea is that I will get even with you, even if my only weapon to do so is by not forgiving.

Admittedly, some wrongdoing is so horrendous it would be nearly impossible for most of us to forgive; for example, the rape and murder of a young daughter. There are other more common things that would be hard to forgive as well--adultery committed against us, desertion by a husband against his wife and children, physical abuse, lies told against us, sins committed against our children, etc.

But, even so, where does holding on to the anger and bitterness and hatred get you? Does it bring you a happier life? Does it bring you joy? We all know the answer—it only brings greater suffering and sorrow, more misery, as we dwell more and more on the hurt we have received rather than on the rebuilding of our life that can bring joy and peace.

But there are some guilty of sin who refuse to repent. Based on Luke 17:3, I do not believe we are required to forgive those unwilling to repent for the text says “if he repents.” Nevertheless, even then, there is nothing to be gained and much to be lost by harboring anger, bitterness, and hatred toward the one who has done you wrong; in doing so, you become guilty of sin yourself. Our attitude must be that we are ready and willing to forgive.

There is an adage that time heals, and so it does. We all have people who have done us wrong, whom we have been angry with, but with time, the things that seemed so great an issue when they occurred have paled into insignificance and no longer matter for the one who has a forgiving spirit. No amount of time will heal the one with the unforgiving spirit. They will go on living in misery.

We are going to get hurt in life. That is just life. But we also have to remember as we have been hurt, so we have hurt others, whether intentionally or not. If we seek mercy and grace we must extend the same to others. Why do we take the hurts we receive to heart but see as insignificant things we have said or done to others? We, too, are guilty.

The New Testament is a message from God to man about forgiveness. It is God’s message to us that he is anxious, and more than willing, to forgive us of our sins. As God is a spiritual being, so are we. It is not the physical man that gets hurt, who develops bitterness and hatred, and who is unwilling to forgive, but the spiritual man.

Man was created in the image of God (Gen. 1:26). As we have received hurt at the hands of others, we have to remember that all of us have hurt God with our own lives. This has been true of man from the beginning. “And the Lord was sorry that he had made man on the earth, and he was grieved in his heart.” (Gen. 6:6 NKJV) This was because “the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” (Gen. 6:5 NKJV)

It is easy to say that was generations ago and times have changed; we are not that way today. Yes, easy to say but also easy to know we are deceiving ourselves when we do so. Paul said to Christians, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” (Eph. 3:30 NKJV) If a Christian can grieve God, how about all those who are not Christians, who know the truth of the gospel but will not obey it? Do you think they grieve God? The sins and sinners of the world grieve God.

God is more than willing to forgive. We are to be followers of God, to be like him. If you have read the prophets of the Old Testament you have seen God virtually begging his sinful people to repent and return with the promise that he will forgive them. “Let the wicked one abandon his way and the sinful one his thoughts, let him return to the Lord, so he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will freely forgive.” (Isa 55:7 CSB)

The parable of the Prodigal Son found in Luke 15 is a parable about God’s willingness and longing to forgive us, the father representing God, mankind’s father. When he saw his son coming home, the text says, “When he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20 NKJV)

He was overjoyed. The son’s sins he had committed did not matter, not now. All that mattered was that the son was now home. Repentance had brought the son home and a father’s love brought forgiveness before the son spoke a word. This is the attitude we are to have toward those who have sinned against us. No doubt in the father’s heart he had long since forgiven the son but there was no way to express that until the son repented and returned home. There could be no reconciliation until that happened. The father’s heart had been full of love and forgiveness before the son ever came into sight. It only awaited his appearance to be manifested. This is to be our attitude toward those who sin against us.

Jesus taught us, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matt. 6:14-15 NKJV) “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25 NKJV) This forgiveness must be “from his heart” (Matt. 18:35 NKJV), which means, of course, sincerely.

It might be good to comment on Mark 11:25, just quoted. Previously, I said that based on Luke 17:3, I do not think we must forgive the one who will not repent of his sin against us. Is Mark 11:25 saying we must even if he does not repent? I don’t think so. Mark 11:25 is a description of what the heart of the one who was sinned against ought to be. His heart is ready, willing, and even anxious to forgive the one who has harmed him. In his heart he has already forgiven the sinner, but formal reconciliation cannot come until both parties are amenable to it. That thus awaits the repentance of the sinner. I think Luke 17:3 is saying reconciliation awaits repentance for how does one reconcile with one who refuses to repent?

Jesus on the cross is an example of this. In his prayer to the Father, he said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34 NKJV) In his heart, Jesus had forgiven them. But formal forgiveness or reconciliation, if you will, could not come until the Day of Pentecost in Acts 2 when they repented and obeyed the gospel. Of course, not all of Jesus’ crucifiers repented. Those who did not were not forgiven.

If Jesus could have a heart of forgiveness toward those who were crucifying him, then surely no one has done such evil to you as that done to him. How is our heart toward God and our fellowman when we relish hatred and enjoy the bitterness and anger that accompany it? And why is that so? Why are we that way? Why would we rather destroy ourselves than forgive? Hatred, anger, and bitterness are self-destructive.

There is comfort to be found in the Christian life in not only our own forgiveness by God but also the burden that is lifted from our shoulders when we, from the heart, forgive those we have so long held anger and bitterness against. “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor (‘harsh words’ in the NLT—DS), and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.” (Eph. 4:31-32 NKJV)

It is so much easier to live life when surrounded by people who are kind and tenderhearted and forgiving, people who are not out just for themselves, or just to get you, or just to get even and reap vengeance, but rather people who care about you. No, life is better when you are able to say yes, I need forgiveness myself, and I will no longer hold anger or grudges against others but I will forgive as I seek God’s forgiveness in my own life.

We need not live in hatred and malice, and unforgiving of others, as that is a personal choice. We choose to be that way. We do not have to be. No one forces us to be unloving and unforgiving and full of pride that will not let us repent.

David said, “Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.” (Psalms 34:14 NKJV) It is a choice. “Cease from anger, and forsake wrath.” (Psalms 37:8 NKJV) God is ready to forgive. “For you, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon you.” (Psalms 86:5 NKJV)

There is a passage in Ezekiel that we all ought to learn for even though it was written for another people at another time it is applicable today, “Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways,” says the Lord God. Repent, and turn from all your transgressions, so that iniquity will not be your ruin. Cast away from you all the transgressions which you have committed, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die, O house of Israel? For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies, says the Lord God. Therefore turn and live!” (Ezek. 18:30-32 NKJV)

We will all be judged individually, “every one according to his ways,” so it is not what kind of attitude the other man has that we have it in for but it is our own attitude that we must account for. Repentance can save us: “Repent…so that iniquity will not be your ruin.” It is up to us as we can get ourselves “a new heart and a new spirit.” No, we do not have to be the way we are if we are unloving and unforgiving.

This discussion would be incomplete without a brief mention of the implications of forgiveness. Forgiveness in its fullest sense, when there has been repentance and the two parties are fully reconciled, means a full restoration of friendship and fellowship. It is as if the sin never occurred. Jeremiah, the prophet, spoke of the New Covenant to come under which you and I live today. Jeremiah quotes the Lord as saying, “I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” (Jer. 31:34 NKJV) Sin is no longer remembered when God forgives. When you and I forgive, the sin is no longer to be remembered. It is to be as if it never happened.

In 2 Cor. 2:8, Paul urged the church at Corinth to “reaffirm your love to him,” referring to one among their number who had repented of his sin. Forgiveness does not mean you merely make a statement of forgiveness, but you must treat the one you have forgiven with Christian love and kindness, not as a piranha, not as one you avoid.

In closing, let me ask a few questions for your consideration. Why did Jesus come into the world? Who sent him? Why is Jesus called the Savior? Why did he die on the cross? Has God given us a choice (free will)? Is it possible to change our attitude, our life, and our hope? Why do we choose to hate, have bitterness and anger, to be unloving and unforgiving? What joy and happiness do we find in that? Is there a better way of life? Can peace and joy and hope of life everlasting be found, or is the way hidden from us?

I think we all know the answers to these questions, so there is only one other question to ask. It is the question in the old gospel hymn we have sung since the days of my childhood, which is now many decades past. It is the question, “Why do you wait o sinner?” “Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.” (2 Cor. 6:2 NKJV) There is peace in forgiving and in being forgiven.

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