Forgiving Others

If you, or I, or any other were asked to compile a list of the ugliest traits of character that a person could have and that we run across in people I am sure that things like hatred, anger, bitterness, malice, and an unwillingness to forgive would all rank up near the top of our list.

While I listed five traits, it is easy to see how they are all related in the person who is unwilling to forgive. There is a sort of revenge motive in the person who will not forgive. The idea is that I will get even with you, even if my only weapon to do so is by not forgiving.

Admittedly, some wrongdoing is so horrendous it would be nearly impossible for most of us to forgive; for example, the rape and murder of a young daughter. There are other more common things that would be hard to forgive as well--adultery committed against us, desertion by a husband against his wife and children, physical abuse, lies told against us, sins committed against our children, etc.

But, even so, where does holding on to the anger and bitterness and hatred get you? Does it bring you a happier life? Does it bring you joy? We all know the answer—it only brings greater suffering and sorrow, more misery, as we dwell more and more on the hurt we have received rather than on the rebuilding of our life that can bring joy and peace.

But there are some guilty of sin who refuse to repent. Based on Luke 17:3, I do not believe we are required to forgive those unwilling to repent for the text says “if he repents.” Nevertheless, even then, there is nothing to be gained and much to be lost by harboring anger, bitterness, and hatred toward the one who has done you wrong; in doing so, you become guilty of sin yourself. Our attitude must be that we are ready and willing to forgive.

There is an adage that time heals, and so it does. We all have people who have done us wrong, whom we have been angry with, but with time, the things that seemed so great an issue when they occurred have paled into insignificance and no longer matter for the one who has a forgiving spirit. No amount of time will heal the one with the unforgiving spirit. They will go on living in misery.

We are going to get hurt in life. That is just life. But we also have to remember as we have been hurt, so we have hurt others, whether intentionally or not. If we seek mercy and grace we must extend the same to others. Why do we take the hurts we receive to heart but see as insignificant things we have said or done to others? We, too, are guilty.

The New Testament is a message from God to man about forgiveness. It is God’s message to us that he is anxious, and more than willing, to forgive us of our sins. As God is a spiritual being, so are we. It is not the physical man that gets hurt, who develops bitterness and hatred, and who is unwilling to forgive, but the spiritual man.

Man was created in the image of God (Gen. 1:26). As we have received hurt at the hands of others, we have to remember that all of us have hurt God with our own lives. This has been true of man from the beginning. “And the Lord was sorry that he had made man on the earth, and he was grieved in his heart.” (Gen. 6:6 NKJV) This was because “the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” (Gen. 6:5 NKJV)

It is easy to say that was generations ago and times have changed; we are not that way today. Yes, easy to say but also easy to know we are deceiving ourselves when we do so. Paul said to Christians, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” (Eph. 3:30 NKJV) If a Christian can grieve God, how about all those who are not Christians, who know the truth of the gospel but will not obey it? Do you think they grieve God? The sins and sinners of the world grieve God.

God is more than willing to forgive. We are to be followers of God, to be like him. If you have read the prophets of the Old Testament you have seen God virtually begging his sinful people to repent and return with the promise that he will forgive them. “Let the wicked one abandon his way and the sinful one his thoughts, let him return to the Lord, so he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will freely forgive.” (Isa 55:7 CSB)

The parable of the Prodigal Son found in Luke 15 is a parable about God’s willingness and longing to forgive us, the father representing God, mankind’s father. When he saw his son coming home, the text says, “When he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20 NKJV)

He was overjoyed. The son’s sins he had committed did not matter, not now. All that mattered was that the son was now home. Repentance had brought the son home and a father’s love brought forgiveness before the son spoke a word. This is the attitude we are to have toward those who have sinned against us. No doubt in the father’s heart he had long since forgiven the son but there was no way to express that until the son repented and returned home. There could be no reconciliation until that happened. The father’s heart had been full of love and forgiveness before the son ever came into sight. It only awaited his appearance to be manifested. This is to be our attitude toward those who sin against us.

Jesus taught us, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matt. 6:14-15 NKJV) “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25 NKJV) This forgiveness must be “from his heart” (Matt. 18:35 NKJV), which means, of course, sincerely.

It might be good to comment on Mark 11:25, just quoted. Previously, I said that based on Luke 17:3, I do not think we must forgive the one who will not repent of his sin against us. Is Mark 11:25 saying we must even if he does not repent? I don’t think so. Mark 11:25 is a description of what the heart of the one who was sinned against ought to be. His heart is ready, willing, and even anxious to forgive the one who has harmed him. In his heart he has already forgiven the sinner, but formal reconciliation cannot come until both parties are amenable to it. That thus awaits the repentance of the sinner. I think Luke 17:3 is saying reconciliation awaits repentance for how does one reconcile with one who refuses to repent?

Jesus on the cross is an example of this. In his prayer to the Father, he said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34 NKJV) In his heart, Jesus had forgiven them. But formal forgiveness or reconciliation, if you will, could not come until the Day of Pentecost in Acts 2 when they repented and obeyed the gospel. Of course, not all of Jesus’ crucifiers repented. Those who did not were not forgiven.

If Jesus could have a heart of forgiveness toward those who were crucifying him, then surely no one has done such evil to you as that done to him. How is our heart toward God and our fellowman when we relish hatred and enjoy the bitterness and anger that accompany it? And why is that so? Why are we that way? Why would we rather destroy ourselves than forgive? Hatred, anger, and bitterness are self-destructive.

There is comfort to be found in the Christian life in not only our own forgiveness by God but also the burden that is lifted from our shoulders when we, from the heart, forgive those we have so long held anger and bitterness against. “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor (‘harsh words’ in the NLT—DS), and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.” (Eph. 4:31-32 NKJV)

It is so much easier to live life when surrounded by people who are kind and tenderhearted and forgiving, people who are not out just for themselves, or just to get you, or just to get even and reap vengeance, but rather people who care about you. No, life is better when you are able to say yes, I need forgiveness myself, and I will no longer hold anger or grudges against others but I will forgive as I seek God’s forgiveness in my own life.

We need not live in hatred and malice, and unforgiving of others, as that is a personal choice. We choose to be that way. We do not have to be. No one forces us to be unloving and unforgiving and full of pride that will not let us repent.

David said, “Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.” (Psalms 34:14 NKJV) It is a choice. “Cease from anger, and forsake wrath.” (Psalms 37:8 NKJV) God is ready to forgive. “For you, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon you.” (Psalms 86:5 NKJV)

There is a passage in Ezekiel that we all ought to learn for even though it was written for another people at another time it is applicable today, “Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways,” says the Lord God. Repent, and turn from all your transgressions, so that iniquity will not be your ruin. Cast away from you all the transgressions which you have committed, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die, O house of Israel? For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies, says the Lord God. Therefore turn and live!” (Ezek. 18:30-32 NKJV)

We will all be judged individually, “every one according to his ways,” so it is not what kind of attitude the other man has that we have it in for but it is our own attitude that we must account for. Repentance can save us: “Repent…so that iniquity will not be your ruin.” It is up to us as we can get ourselves “a new heart and a new spirit.” No, we do not have to be the way we are if we are unloving and unforgiving.

This discussion would be incomplete without a brief mention of the implications of forgiveness. Forgiveness in its fullest sense, when there has been repentance and the two parties are fully reconciled, means a full restoration of friendship and fellowship. It is as if the sin never occurred. Jeremiah, the prophet, spoke of the New Covenant to come under which you and I live today. Jeremiah quotes the Lord as saying, “I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” (Jer. 31:34 NKJV) Sin is no longer remembered when God forgives. When you and I forgive, the sin is no longer to be remembered. It is to be as if it never happened.

In 2 Cor. 2:8, Paul urged the church at Corinth to “reaffirm your love to him,” referring to one among their number who had repented of his sin. Forgiveness does not mean you merely make a statement of forgiveness, but you must treat the one you have forgiven with Christian love and kindness, not as a piranha, not as one you avoid.

In closing, let me ask a few questions for your consideration. Why did Jesus come into the world? Who sent him? Why is Jesus called the Savior? Why did he die on the cross? Has God given us a choice (free will)? Is it possible to change our attitude, our life, and our hope? Why do we choose to hate, have bitterness and anger, to be unloving and unforgiving? What joy and happiness do we find in that? Is there a better way of life? Can peace and joy and hope of life everlasting be found, or is the way hidden from us?

I think we all know the answers to these questions, so there is only one other question to ask. It is the question in the old gospel hymn we have sung since the days of my childhood, which is now many decades past. It is the question, “Why do you wait o sinner?” “Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.” (2 Cor. 6:2 NKJV) There is peace in forgiving and in being forgiven.

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God's Willingness to Forgive

There are people who feel God is so full of loving kindness that he will readily forgive us of any and all of our sins if we just ask him.  All we need to do is pray and ask.  We may be kind of sorry about whatever transgression we committed, sorry about judgment at least, so feel we must ask God’s forgiveness but the truth is if the same set of circumstances were to arise again we would do the same thing all over again.  Somehow we feel we were justified in the act we committed considering the circumstances.  Nevertheless, we feel obligated to ask for forgiveness. 

We tell ourselves the temptation was too great and thus God understands even though he has said in his word through Paul the apostle, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” (1 Cor. 10:13 NKJV)  We thus go on living pretty much the way we would have had we never obeyed the gospel except that we go through the exercise of asking God’s forgiveness from time to time.  We never really repent from the heart. 

I do not want to leave the impression that committing the same sin more than once implies that we have not repented.  It can be very tough to resist the temptation of a sin that we are attracted to.  If we could only commit a sin once but then if we did it a second time God would not forgive us who could be saved?  However, remember, forgiveness is dependent on true repentance.  

What I have been talking about is an attitude, an attitude of recklessness and carelessness, an attitude of almost indifference to righteousness, an attitude of no real commitment to battle sin.  Just do it and then ask God to forgive and all is well.  

I believe the Bible teaches that a man might commit the same sin many times and God would still forgive him provided his attitude was right, the sorrow genuine, and the repentance true from the depths of the heart each time.  So, we are not keeping count of how many times a particular sin might be committed and God still be willing to forgive but we are talking about an attitude that is often found.  Rest assured if your sin breaks your heart and, as a Christian, you ask God’s forgiveness he is merciful and will forgive.  If you are determined to fight the temptation when confronted again, even though you might fail, God will forgive. 

Another attitude we sometimes see in men is the attitude that my sins are so great or so numerous, and perhaps my sins have hurt so many people, God could not possibly forgive me.  Since we are talking about Christians we are talking about those who have wandered away, become involved in sin, and have separated themselves voluntarily from their brethren.  So, we see two groups--one feeling that God will forgive without a thought about my state of mind or spirituality and the other thinking God will never forgive.  Both are in error.  I believe a study of Manasseh, king of Judah could prove profitable for both groups. 

I want to give you an account of a man so evil that we are horrified as we read about the things he did.  I read from the English Standard Version of the Bible about King Manasseh of Judah as found in 2 Kings 21:1-12 and 16. 

“Manasseh was twelve years old when he began to reign, and he reigned fifty-five years in Jerusalem.  His mother’s name was Hephzibah.  And he did what was evil in the sight of the LORD, according to the despicable practices of the nations whom the LORD drove out before the people of Israel.  For he rebuilt the high places that Hezekiah his father had destroyed, and he erected altars for Baal and made an Asherah, as Ahab king of Israel had done, and worshiped all the host of heaven and served them.  And he built altars in the house of the LORD, of which the LORD had said, ‘In Jerusalem will I put my name.’  And he built altars for all the host of heaven in the two courts of the house of the LORD.  And he burned his son as an offering and used fortune-telling and omens and dealt with mediums and with wizards.  He did much evil in the sight of the LORD, provoking him to anger.  And the carved image of Asherah that he had made he set in the house of which the LORD said to David and to Solomon his son, ‘In this house, and in Jerusalem, which I have chosen out of all the tribes of Israel, I will put my name forever.  And I will not cause the feet of Israel to wander anymore out of the land that I gave to their fathers, if only they will be careful to do according to all that I have commanded them, and according to all the Law that my servant Moses commanded them.’  But they did not listen, and Manasseh led them astray to do more evil than the nations had done whom the Lord destroyed before the people of Israel.  And the LORD said by his servants the prophets, ‘Because  Manasseh king of Judah has committed these abominations and has done things more evil than all that the Amorites did, who were before him, and has made Judah also to sin with his idols, therefore thus says the LORD, the God of Israel:  Behold, I am bringing upon Jerusalem and Judah such disaster that the ears of everyone who hears of it will tingle.” 

And then verse 16:  “Moreover, Manasseh shed very much innocent blood, till he had filled Jerusalem from one end to another, besides the sin that he made Judah to sin so that they did what was evil in the sight of the LORD.” 

What does one say about such a man?  What can one say?  Manasseh was the personification of evil.  Can you imagine giving your son up as a burnt offering to an idol?  Add to that the Bible says he “shed very much innocent blood” to the extent he had filled Jerusalem with it from one end to another. 

Why did God drive out the nations from the land which Israel was promised during the days of Joshua often destroying from the face of the earth every man, woman, boy, and girl?  Here we are told in verse 2 (2 Kings 21) it was because of their “despicable practices.” (see also Deut. 9:4-5 and Deut. 18:9-12)  Yet, here we are also told that Manasseh did “things more evil than all that the Amorites did.” (2 Kings 21:11 ESV). 

He made the house of the Lord into a house for idol worship.  There was seemingly no type of idol or heavenly body that he would not worship.  The Bible says “he worshiped all the host of heaven.” 

And then we also have this that he led many, many others into sin for which they would be very severely punished.  No matter what we may think about our own sin I think most of us would do about anything and everything in our power to not be responsible for leading others into sin, for being the cause of their sin.  I know we are that way with our children but I also think we feel that way about others.  No Christian desires to bring harm or hurt to others and certainly not sin which, if unrepented of, would lead to their eternal spiritual condemnation. 

If I repent of sin in my life and yet I have been responsible say for leading my children into sin of which they do not repent how do I live with that?  It would be tough. 

Here we have a man, Manasseh, so evil that our human nature might well lead us to say that we don’t want to see such a man saved.  We want him punished.  We almost hope God will not forgive him for we want to see him punished.  He deserves it. 

However, if we are honest we all know the Bible teaches us that we all deserve to be punished.  We deserve a beating (using the word figuratively); we do not deserve salvation; we ought to be punished for our sins.  “There is none righteous, no, not one.”  (Rom. 3:10 NKJV) 

Let us be honest and face the truth.  I think in about everyone’s life we often do things we know we should not and yet we do it anyway.  We sin.  John says, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.”  (1 John 1:8 NKJV)  John was writing to Christians when he said that. 

David Lipscomb made a comment I believe is true.  He said, “I doubt if any man ever lived a day without sins of omission or commission.” (Questions Answered, by Lipscomb and Sewell, page 241)  We often overlook the sins of omission.  They can be as willful as sins of commission. 

Solomon in his prayer of dedication of the temple, speaking to God of God’s children, said “if they sin against you--for there is no one who does not sin.” (1 Kings 8:46 ESV)  That would include you and me.  Solomon then asked that God forgive them upon their repentance (read 1 Kings 8:46-50).  

You and I are no more deserving than Manasseh.  We too often make ourselves out to be someone when we are no one.  We are better than the other guy, so we say to ourselves.  It is laughable when we do such a thing for it is like two thieves comparing themselves.  You are a worse thief than I am for I only stole $100 but you stole $500.  Well, big deal.  The truth is if we could all load our sins up into a truck, every sin we have ever committed, we would not want anyone to climb up and look into the truck bed to see them. 

I used to fear when I was young that there might not be any hope for me when I committed a sin that I was conscious of.  I had read the Hebrews 10:26-31 passage and quite honestly misunderstood it.  The Hebrews passage means exactly what it says but at the point of repentance there is a change. 

Until I repent I remain guilty of the willful sin of Heb. 10:26.  However, when I repent I am no longer trampling the Son of God underfoot nor making light of his shed blood.  At that point in time I am exalting Christ the Son of God and counting the blood of the covenant a wonderful, glorious thing, not a common thing.  Instead of insulting the Spirit of grace I am praising it and giving God glory for it. 

I ask you why did Jesus die on the cross if he was determined to condemn us the very first time we committed a sin knowingly after our gospel obedience?  He may as well remained in heaven had that been the case for who could be saved?  If I believed that was the way it is I would not even bother to type another line for what would be the use.  I would already be condemned without remedy and that some decades ago.  

Under such a scenario there would be no motivation for trying to live the Christian life.  It would be one strike and you are out so eat, drink, be merry, and get ready for hell.  The New Testament teaches when we sin we can repent of our sin, seek God’s forgiveness, and go on and live a life of hope.  I am a willful sinner only as long as I am willfully sinning. 

But, my original point was that you and I have been guilty even after our conversion of sinning, of doing things we know we should not do but doing them anyway.  It does happen.  The fleshly nature of man is weak.  We should not despair.  God will forgive.  It is not hopeless.  Let us take one more look at Manasseh.  

As evil as Manasseh was he repented and God forgave him.  How great is God’s grace?  Can it be measured? 

I read from 2 Chron. 33:12-13, “And when he was in distress, he entreated the favor of the LORD his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers.  He prayed to him, and God was moved by his entreaty and heard his plea and brought him again to Jerusalem into his kingdom.  Then Manasseh knew that the LORD was God.” (ESV) 

Manasseh had been taken into Assyrian captivity, taken to Babylon, where his afflictions led him to seek the Lord.  When he did with his heart God heard him.  Was his repentance genuine? 

The Bible says, speaking of his return to Jerusalem after his repentance, “And he took away the foreign gods and the idol from the house of the LORD, and all the altars that he had built on the mountain of the house of the LORD and in Jerusalem, and he threw them outside of the city.  He also restored the altar of the LORD and offered on it sacrifices of peace offerings and of thanksgiving, and he commanded Judah to serve the LORD, the God of Israel.” (2 Chron. 33:15-16 ESV) 

God said in the book of Ezekiel 18:21-23, “But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die.  None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live.  Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?’ says the LORD GOD, ‘and not that he should turn from his ways and live?” (NKJV) 

David, a child of God by birth, wrote by inspiration of the Holy Spirit in Psalms 86:5 (NKJV), “For You, LORD, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.” 

I don’t know who is going to be in heaven as far as individuals go.  I cannot name names.  That is not my position.  But I think of two kings, Solomon and Manasseh.  One was a great king for a long while but the Bible teaches that in old age he became an idol worshipper.  The other was as evil a king as one can imagine but in his later years turned to the Lord his God.  When we come to the end of our life how do we want to die?  Do we want to be worshipping God and serving him?  In what state will you and I die? 

Manasseh was a child of God by physical birth into God’s chosen people Israel under Judaism.  You and I are God’s children by means of the new birth.  As God’s child we should never give up on ourselves or other Christians no matter how far away we or they may stray.  God will forgive if we will repent.  

One final thought and then I close.  Do you think Manasseh would ever have had his eyes opened and been led to repent had things continued going well with him and his people?  Setbacks, problems, difficulties, and troubles in our life if used properly can lead us to where we need to be if we will allow those things to humble us to the point of seeking God.  

Seek God and he will forgive.  You cannot be so bad but what God’s grace will be sufficient for you.  Seek God for he is kind and gracious and a forgiving God who takes pity on his children.  Praise his name. 

“Kings of the earth and all peoples;

Princes and all judges of the earth;

Both young men and maidens;

Old men and children.

Let them praise the name of the Lord,

For His name alone is exalted;” 

(Psalms 148:11-13a NKJV) 

Passages for further emphasis -- Joel 2:12-13, Ezekiel 18:21-23 and 27-28

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